Redressing The Balance Of Army Compensation - A Modest Proposal

...there will be not a few who are aghast that Bombardier Kerry Fletcher has won a one hundred and eighty six thousand pounds payout from an Employment Tribunal because she suffered harassment - largely by text message it would seem - on account of her sexuality.

There will, doubtless, be more people aghast that this award is greater than that available to other serving soldiers whose bodies and lives have been ripped apart by injuries sustained in the battlefield.

Examples as:

• Marine Ben McBean, who lost an arm and a leg in a blast in Afghanistan, has been offered £160,000.
• Lance-Bombardier Ben Parkinson received £150,000 after losing his legs also in Afghanistan.
• Private Jamie Cooper benefits from just £57,000 for terrible injuries to his arm and stomach sustained whilst fighting in Iraq.

Talk about the pen - or in this case the textually transmitted word - being mightier than the sword! Does make one rather sick on the whole I trust you agree. But what should one do?

I have a modest proposal.

Bombardier Fletcher should naturally donate her entire payout to a charity or other body that cares for disabled ex-servicemen. That goes without saying.

Beyond that personal gesture though the Army itself must not shy away from a more systemic fix to the whole difficulty.

It runs thus.

Whenever a gravely wounded soldier is being evacuated to a military hospital the attending paramedics should read this pre-scripted message to him or her:

"Dear soldier X. We are here to save you and to care for you. We hate that you have been so grievously hurt and we know how much you must be suffering at this moment. Be assured that you have all our dedicated professional skills at your disposal. Be confident that you will receive the finest medical treatment we can give. If it is within our powers you will live.

But please also note - for reasons of compensation only - that we regard you as 1) a degenerate homosexual, or 2) a person of an ethnic minority we despise, or 3) someone we would like to shag given half or no chance. [Delete as necessary for the purpose].

Please understand that we do not do this from any motive of any personal malice, or that we actually mean what we say. This is purely an artificial device to enable you to sue the Army for harassment and to ensure that your eventual compensation package is adequate to your needs and commensurate with your real injuries."

What you reckon?