Water Cannons To The Left Of Them, Watery Canons To The Right...

"You're taking advantage of your cloth, Father!" "That's what it's for."

- You'll be remembering, of course, that fine scene in the film 'Ryan's Daughter', the one where Father Collins sends villager McCardle sprawling to the ground with an improvised haymaker in order to save the eponymous - if unfaithful - heroine from the vengeful mob.

How we all cheered in the seminary, watching 'muscular Christianity' in such vigorous action. Saturday night, once a month, film night. Pretty bland stuff mostly, befitting our tender years and burgeoning vocations. 'The Shoes of the Fisherman' featured large - and often - as I best now recall. Inspiring that one, no doubt, foreshadowing even J-P2 by some ten years or so. All a bit 'Zorba the Pope' for me, not to mention much sympathy felt for the Teilhard de Chardin character - played so sublimely by dear Oskar Werner - who was fated to be if not condemned then condemned to silence. (Never a happy fate for any J.)

Connection, of course, between Shoes and the Daughter thing, if you know it? Possible reason even why we ended up being vouchsafed more than a glimpse of the irrepressible Sarah Miles giving her all for her art. Leo McKern of course the link: the clever, kindly if ever churchly cunning Cardinal in the one, whilst the humane and loving, if utterly treacherous to the cause father in the other.

Did the Sat. Film Soc. Sec. simply assume that a McKern number must be a safe bet, without bothering to check before booking? Step forward Deacon (as then he was) Dewhurst and take your rightful bow. 'Drippy' - now as then more on the wet side of damp - had and has a truly special charism, a pukka gift from God: everything he does starts out wrong, yet turns out right. The bane of the high-heid-yins, Canon - for now so risen in rank - 'Drippy' will plunge into any project with much care but little thought, daring defeat yet ever gaining victory.

Thus with the film thing: should have been a disaster once Sarah Miles's kit was well and truly off, yet turns a total triumph when the blow is landed, malleable seminarians are impressed with the power of the dog-collar and the authority of the Church triumphs again as it must. 

Did once ask 'Drippy' to what - or to Whom - he attributed this remarkable, nay jammy, good fortune. Can't say we really cracked it, though it was fascinating to note his one remark that, as a young boy, 'Drippy' had heard in passing someone say '...the Devil is in the detail you know' and, being a pious young thing, had assumed at once and ever after that details were to be avoided like the worst of any plague for fear of encountering the Enemy of Mankind. Taking a bit of a theological punt here, but one can only speculate that such simple Faith was at once rewarded with a Guardian Angel from the crack SAS ('Seraphims Against Satan') squadron to save such a sweet, soulful eejit from himself.

Whatever the cause, the effect has been wondrous. Show 'Drippy' a roof in need of much restoration and he's at once - in complete innocence - knocking on the door of the biggest local villain tapping him for a ten spot on the spot, as it were. Put him in charge of the most important ceremonial of the year and - despite his not having a clue what's going on - everything will fall right into place and right on time, as again it were.  (Luck, that's what Napoloen demanded of his generals and lucky, indeed, he would have been to have had 'Drippy' bearing his Marshal's baton. Would have waltzed Waterloo and we'd all now be speaking fluent Frog.) 

Thought of 'Drippy' the other evening in the aftermath of the revolting students and their silly, vandalising ways. Mrs May is entirely mistaken in calling for water cannon to drench and disperse any future marauding mobs. Send in, rather, the watery Canon and peace will at once be restored to the streets and land.

Don't ask me how he would do it - don't for a moment consider asking the man himself because he wouldn't have the faintest notion - but place the fellow in Parliament Square and be prepared to watch a miracle worker at work.  Might he do a Father Collins, take advantage of the cloth, and try knocking some sense into whichever head needs it the most? Why not, that's what it's for after all.