Swine Flu Joke - Pandemic Alert

As the World Health Authority appears to have missed a trick here, it falls upon me to raise a level 6 alert regarding a clearly now pandemic swine 'flu joke.

You know the one I mean, beginning "I phoned the swine 'flu hotline..." and ending "...but all I got was crackling." Well of course you know the joke, it has spread around the world in a fevered flash.

I caught it from Deirdre our wondrous Community Nurse yesterday morning, passed it on to three family members before lunch, two parishioners pip emma, also to find that Sal in our local off-licence had already been infected from another source by the evening.

The good news is that the joke does not appear to have mutated in any manner so far. Structural analysis would also seem to confirm that it will not change, though there is of course the ever present risk of conflation with another, entirely different, swine 'flu joke creating a synthetic new variant.

Symptoms of first exposure to the joke appear to be quite strong. Not often indeed would H or E genuinely laugh at any witticism of mine, though in this case both did. Self-immunity though does rapidly build-up it seems, for neither found it anywhere near as amusing when given a second dose of the joke over supper.

I should indeed have expected Sal to have been infected, as her day job is at our local hospital where the risk of exposure to gallows humour of all kinds will be a systemic occupational hazard. Not aware that she is a separated at birth twin of mine, but no sooner were the first words out than Sal was mouthing the punchline as one ever accustomed to finishing my sentences for me.

Developing then the theme, it was interesting to learn that not only does our local slaughter-house not have any of the right sort of face masks to offer its nursing staff, but also security guards have needed to be hired as it was found that the doctors were nicking the Tamiflu.

Stands then the NHS ready, willing and able to cope with a swine 'flu pandemic in this land? Don't make me laugh! That is no joke at all, sadly.