"Hail Hail Freedonia..."

...Has been too long indeed since one watched delightful 'Duck Soup' or indeed any of the Marx Brothers' films. (In the attic, though, there is still somewhere one's favourite political tee-shirt bearing the Godard slogan 'Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho'.)

Tonight one is entirely in the mood for a Marxist film, having been listening to George's latest great wheeze. This of course is George of Dragon Inn fame, an innkeeper of sound, traditional iconoclastic and anti-establishment views. He has been brooding, as indeed he would from a commercial as well as a political philosophy point of view, upon the impending wretched public ban on smoking in our supposed free kingdom.

Due credit to the man and his principles, George has been as much exercised by the offence to his belief in minimal government interference in one's life as by the potential dire effect on his takings of this perverse measure.

To thwart the ban in some measure has been his recent growing desire, for which I, as a smoker and free-thinker, thank him. He has given consideration to the building of outdoor shelters with suitable heating. Practical if too costly for consideration. An alternative, though, of knocking down three of the main walls of the pub to make it an open not enclosed space has been written off as simply barking, whereas conversion of the entire Inn into a lunatic asylum - where smoking must be permitted as it is someone's home - has of course been met with the reasonable observational jibe that we are all inmates of such an institution already.

The wireless today has given George a terrific idea and it is this we celebrate. For a pub, in Cornwall I believe, has come up with the splendid notion of seeking consular status with Peru! Should it be accepted for such an honour by that great nation, then smoking would have to be permitted therein as, of course, smoking must continue to be allowed on what is effectively foreign soil.

A merry evening has therefore been spent by we drinkers and free-thinkers trying to decide which would be an appropriate country to which to apply for similar consular status! Being of a literary bent as I am, I suggested Cuba from 'Our Man in Havana' - a way perhaps of returning the book's compliment. Sweden was naturally mentioned as there is such native blood in many a Woldean, from incursions across the North Sea. Turkey too was a favourite, it being the native home of our patron saint himself.

All in all the mood was for somewhere with a warm clime as well as loose temperament towards free spirited living, so Western Samoa was our near consensus choice. George is therefore, even as we speak, composing a letter to the country's head of state on the matter. (It would be slightly shaming, if honest, to admit that we had to look up his name - His Highness Tanumafili II - on the Internet.)

One hopes, of course for good things from this brave initiative. There is though in my mind fermenting an even more radical proposal, which is is this. If, say, we Woldeans were to declare independence - or perhaps simply our village of X - then, as the great sovereign nation of 'Freedonia' - naturally - we would grant consular status to every pub or club in the land that wished it!

Smoke gets in your eyes eh, T. Blair?

We would of course also take up the tax before the carpets naturally. Well you have to don't you! (Watch the film for answers.)