Kiss Me Kate...

...Is it newsworthy that Prince William, our likely future King, has parted from his 'girlfriend' Miss Kate Middleton?

Put like that of course it is. One suspects she would have made a fine modern Queen, but 'tis not to be.

One says 'girlfriend' because of course she was far more than that. They were lovers of a live-in variety. They were married before the fact. One or the other - possibly both, though the money this evening is on him alone - has called for, effectively, a divorce. ("I dump thee, I dump thee, I dump thee" is, I believe, how the ceremony goes.)

Did a third person enter the 'marriage'? So we are led to believe, but then we would be wouldn't we? So much the more salacious.

And what now for Miss Middleton? All cachet evaporating as so much Scotch mist, there is of course still the option of the cash. The top side of a million or more? Sealed bids only. That sort of thing.

Oh how one hopes not. (Taking the cash that is; the offers are already in the post no doubt.) No good would come of it, not least for the young woman no longer in the question.

All in all, I hope she dumped him - preferably for another beau - not vice versa. (Far less likely to want to 'tell her story' or to wonder how and why she gave some of the best years of her life for something not to be. I believe I feel a little cross with young William this evening.) And I wish I were never to find out. But I shall be told, of that I'm sure. At least seventeen versions - from a hundred or more sources - three of which may be close to the 'truth' of the matter.

E is devastated. Poor thing thought the 'Kate dumped' line was in reference to Miss Kate Moss, current and enduring squeeze of that ghastly Doherty creature E so worships!

William 4 E? E 4 William? Why not? A better bet than some dissolute singer surely?

Well, then again perhaps not. My shrubbery would never survive the invasion.