"Evening All..."

...Dixon of Dock Green and all that.

Few of you will recall those halcyon days when "Evening All" would be Jack Warner's intro into a half hour of righteous policing in the jolly streets of London town. A few knarled villains to be apprehended, a couple of street urchins to be shown the straight and narrow path by a wise word or two - not even the proverbial ear clipping needed - and home for tea by seven.

Actually, the original film - 'The Blue Lamp' - was nowhere near so cosy. Young Riley is offered a way out of his folly by PC Dixon but panics and shoots the poor man down. It didn't need to happen, but it did. Good hearted copper dies in line of duty. Tough stuff for 1950 but a sad presage of things to come.

So why am I feeling sentimental about policemen tonight? In truth I am not, far from it. Should every member of - in particular - the South Yorkshire constabulary fall down a bottomless pit this evening you would not find me among the first to mourn the occasion.

For a pair of these fell beasts has tonight had the temerity to pull me over for speeding - a mere 85 m.p.h. on an open and clear A1 - to intone the grave caution "You have the right to remain silent....but, etc.", harangue me about video evidence of dastardly deeds, failure to pull over when requested, state of the England cricket team, the weather and any number of putative faults of mine, all resulting in yet one more fixed penalty fine or a day before the beak.

And so forth, and so on.

Well, damn their very eyes say I and if that makes poor Jack Warner wince then I wish it did not need to but it does.

Actually - entre nous - I fully intend to have my day in court, for not once during the whole exchange from "Would you kindly step out of the car" to "Try and keep a bit nearer the legal limit in future Sir" did either one of these desperate rozzers formally confirm that they were officers of Her Majesty's constabulary.

Over a barrel I believe I have them!