Crime and Punishment...

...a wonderful and tormenting book by that tormented and wondrous novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky. If you've not read it, then I can only say you should - at once, this minute. Dark tastes perhaps, but then one must be prepared to enter the darkness of mankind in order to be fully human. A part of this parson's credo in any case.

But leaving the book aside, a general reflection follows on punishment and crime and the necessity of the one fitting the other.

Parked yesterday outside a bank, like one does, I noticed - again as one does - a completely drop-dead gorgeous woman driving what could only reasonably be described as an equally drop-dead gorgeous car. Who the woman was I do not and never shall know, but the car was one of those magnificent Bentley sports numbers all sound persons would wish to own or at least to drive once in their lives.

So far so blameless - certainly crime free - even the parson's state being more one of simple, unavaricious delight and nothing more sinister. Certainly no 'neighing after one's neighbour's wife' - or car - as rightly is forbidden by the Good Book.

There was though one aspect of the scene that not only dismayed but rather completely derided and detracted from the joy of it. Namely that said woman was chatting busily on her mobile telephone. A habit I abhor.

Now I am not one ordinarily to judge an action's rightness by its legality or no. There are plenty of illegal acts that are utterly moral in my semi-anarchic view, as indeed there are lawful acts that are fully abhorrent.

But I am as one with the law on this particular matter: driving whilst using a mobile telephone is a rank disobedience of the law and of all right and proper behaviour. It is selfish and it is dangerous. Persons who do so - knowing of course full well that they flout the law of the land on this - should be pilloried in the good old-fashioned sense: put in the stocks and subjected to the rancour of offended public opinion. A few rotten cabbages and or eggs thrown in would also be just the thing, tradition and condign punishment both demanding it.

So there I was distressed by what I saw, distressed that is until dismayed. For the car following the woman and her Bentley and her telephone was none other than a police car with two youngish - as they all are it seems this day - officers of the constabulary therein. Said officers, although plainly aware of the woman's criminal - one uses the word carefully - act took not one blind bit of notice and carried on chatting - as of course did she - with not an attempt at remonstration, reprobation or rebuke.

One could almost read their minds on this: posh car, big money, loads of clout, just don't go there. That is not 'without fear or favour' in my book - and it should not be in theirs. Worse even, from their combined demeanours it would seem that it hardly registered with either one that a criminal act was being committed before their very eyes. 'Woman driving while phoning? Big deal.' they seemed to be saying. Well, sorry boys it is a big deal and it is your paid employment to deal with it.

Very nearly nipped over and berated both car-fuls, and possibly would have done - to no avail one suspects - had not H suddenly reappeared from said bank all transactions duly completed. Left, therefore, doubly fuming and thoroughly off my game.

A plan though emerges from the frustration and the ire.

On Monday next I shall, laden with cameras and cigars, take up my place next this very road junction and photograph all persons I see driving whilst phoning. Shots will be taken so as to include their number plates and the date and time of the offence.

Prima facie - nay conclusive - evidence of crimes having been committed gathered, all images will be presented to the local head of constabulary with the express intent that prosecutions will follow.

I shall sit in his - or her - office puffing away on the largest of Havanas I can find, daring him - or her - to arrest me for smoking in a public place.

Cannot wait for my day in court!