Four Last Things...

...so often placed in quite the wrong and misleading order you will find.

Correctly it is thus: Death, Judgement, Hell and then Heaven - not the last two reversed as commonly said. Had once even to admonish the Cardinal for writing it about face. He had the courtesy to reply accepting his error, bless him. (One does though of course now expect Papal saboteurs to arrive at any moment, Cardinals not on the whole being noted for their forgiving temperament.)

And of the four, although all are in their way last things, which ones are truly 'outcomes'? Why, only the latter two points of arrival and not the way-stations of death and judgement. (A Cardinal - not mine - once remarked that though he obviously preferred to end his days in Heaven, he was rather relaxed about how it might turn out as "I shall have friends in either place." Such clearly is the complex life of a Prince of the Church at the court of sinful mankind.)

So why this mention of last things then? Am I planning on pegging out soon? Is this merely this week's sermon's subject? Neither - certainly not the latter and one hopes not the former though one can never tell these things. (Death the thief in the night - and so forth.)

No, it is rather regarding an advance 'paper' sent by Father William in preparation for his dread impending inspection. The theme this audit round is to be - how wondrous - 'outcomes'. The difference we make to people's lives and not whether have met our 'process targets' - whatever they might be.

H, rather waspishly, opines they would be such things as numbers of gay parishioners as a proportion of the total land density. Not like her that. Must have had a falling out with George down at the Dragon Inn has put such bitter thoughts in her head. Will check with Patrick - George's 'partner' (hate the word outside of the Wednesday Bridge Cub!) - if this be so.

We shall not, in any case it seems, be required this year to provide statistically valid and reliable data on who did what to whom and when; but rather, as per Bill's paper, evidence to what effect was all this activity.

Now I can see by and large the sense in all of this. Purpose the thing not process. I rather like the idea. There is, however, a teensy sticking point here. For if we clergy have a purpose in life - and the floor is open for general comment on the premise - it is to shepherd the good and the not so good sheep through the narrow gate that leads to salvation; shooing meanwhile simple rams and ewes - not to mention these days too many wayward lambs of either sex sadly - who would rather stray to the wider way leading to perdition.

If that then is - and it is - the prime directive, how in God's good name am I to evidence its accomplishment! I am to ask the dead? I am to organise census survey seances? "Come in the Heavenly host of this Parish. Your Rector needs you!" You can see the problem.

Dear Father Bill. Come when you must and ask what you need, but please don't expect me to fathom Hell and Heaven this side of my grave!