Near My God To Thee...

...Great Aunt Dorothea's embroidery was legendary around these parts: delicate, intricate and evidence of many happy hours spent in blameless needlework. The one surviving piece we have in the house is an idyllic garden scene, a glorious medley of colours and a joy to behold. But for the accompanying legend, which has always troubled me as, try as I might, I cannot read it without dissenting from its import or wondering if GAD had lost it in her dotage.

'Nearer to thee my God in a garden than anywhere else on earth' - that's the slogan I struggle with. Our ancestral couple A 'n' E may have believed that to be the case - until their unfortunate encounter with the apple - but I have never felt the divine presence lift my spirits more outdoors than in.

Perhaps only people who never actually have to tend a garden have this roseate view of them. For those of us condemned to dig, scrape, plant, pluck, prune, manure, cut, trim, weed, muck out, clean, mow, dig some more, and all this in all weathers whatever else needs doing, a garden is more a constant reminder of unremitting toil than of heavenly ease.

Helen's family had the answer - employ a gardener. This of course is hardly an option on a stipend, though I could cite an example of just how cost-effective such a person and post can be. Years back it seems, there was a spate of burglaries in the road where H's parents lived, in fact theirs was the only house that wasn't broken into at some time. This seeming fluke of good fortune was not a random act however. Later the real reason emerged - I know not how - it was the presence of their gardener had deterred the local villains.

And how so forceful you might wonder? Old Albert - for such was he - it transpired had, in his younger more spritely and less socially aware days, been a driver for the Krays. A word from him to the young rogues committing these burglaries that should they come near 'his' house it was at severe risk to their longevity, was naturally completely effective in securing the premises from unwanted intrusion.

'Nearer to Wormwood Scrubs in a garden than anyone on earth would have imagined' - not a motto GAD would have readily sewed, but true for all that.