Charlie is my Darling....

...well brother really, so not as such darling but certainly someone held dear. Charles - or Charlie after a beer or two - is not terribly proximate either in home or trade. Whilst I am content to earn a secular crust or two - with the promised final dividend of eternal salvation, quite a perk you'll agree - buried deep in the rural heartland of The Wolds, Charlie plies his trade as a 'management consultant in health and social care' in the dark confines of the Metropolis.

Now one advantage I have over Bro. Charles is that I am able to reveal my occupation - should not the dog collar be sufficient clue - at parties without, by and large, much antagonism on the part of any strange interlocutor. Does rather spoil any chances of 'scoring' - as I believe the phrase to be - with winsome females attracted to the not unhandsome visage and can lead to some awkward moments when lively persons wish of a sudden to unburden themselves of whatever dark moral secret they hide within their hearts and from - mostly - their wives.

Equally, devout humanists may seize the moment to bore on the whole subject of faith and religion, though they are soon silenced with appropriate putdowns or dismissals. (If Pascal's Bet is not enough to deter them, then a few whispered oaths generally cause them to flee the field.)

But on the whole being blameless, if rather undesirable, is preferable to said Bro. Charles in comparable situations.

If there is a hierarchy of opprobrium then you will generally find management consultants consigned to the same circle of Dantesque Hell as estate agents and lawyers. Slightly above perverts, but then slightly below pond life.

Charlie is, on the whole, resigned to this fate, sometimes it must be said revelling in the Dostoyevskian glamour of being both a man outside and also underground. He does have a certain licence it is true to rage against the system without fear of being reeled in - much as do many monks. I could almost envy him that freedom, living as I do in constant fret as to what Bish Tom will next impose or condemn.

There is though something of the Ancient Mariner about Bro. Charles, forever tempted to detain any passing stranger and implore him to comprehend that management consultants can and do do much that is valuable and purposeful. It is, naturally, a doomed enterprise.

There are far too many of his kind who are worthless interlopers, weaving their spells of delusion, spinning yarns of how if you were but to introduce such-and-such a way of working the sunny uplands of exponential profitability are yours for the asking. (People who, on the whole, relax selling time-shares in non-existent Spanish villas.)

There is too much tar on that particular brush for some of it not to rub off onto dear Charlie by association. As well, you'll not find a public sector manager worth his or her salt these days, who is not prepared on an instant to moan about the iniquitous waste of money that is spent on mancons when people are crying out for their thirteenth hip replacement operation. That said mancons might have something useful to contribute in questioning why people need hips replacing at all (mostly older people who have had preventable falls) let alone a dozen or more of the same at vast cost to the public purse, is a matter conveniently overlooked by said pubsec managers.

That is not even to mention the unhappy elision in people's minds of management consultant and ICT consultant. 'Look at all that money wasted on computer systems that don't work and when they do work at all don't do what we need them to do because no one asked us what we needed of such systems. Must be the fault of management consultants.' Well, no actually dear that has nothing to do with mancons, it is totally to do with ICTcons. Bit like blaming an orthopaedic surgeon for not fixing your eyes.

Well anyways that's what Charlie says and who am I to doubt my Bro?

Charlie indeed has had much to say to me on the blower these past couple of nights. He, like I, has been glued to Gerry Robinson's fascinating foray into the weird and wired world that is our beloved NHS.

Sir Gerry has - according to Charlie - just given a masterclass in all that a good management consultant should be and do. He has been passionate about what matters to ordinary people, he has acted as a catalyst and conduit of change, he has brought people together to make things happen, he has understood the complex inter-actions of systems and behaviours, he has encouraged leadership from Chief Executive through to front-line nurse, he has brought smiles to people's faces with the simple joy of knowing that things are going to get better.

And yet how does your man end his television series? By advocating the sacking at once of all management consultants! The man is a genius and a fool. No wonder Charlie has taken to drink tonight.