"Oh, And Not Nut-Cutlets..."

...was the parting remark of our guest for the evening, as we concluded the telephone discussion about her dietary preferences.

Apparently everyone grabs a Tesco nut-cutlet from the shelves when faced with feeding a vegetarian. Honoured though I am to think that Miss Shanklin has higher than average expectations of her hosts - H and I - one can go slightly off people who, having rejected some ninety-five percentage of our ordinary table, then seek to impose further strictures on what may be served.

Cook, as anticipated, proved opposed to the notion in general and appalled in particular that 'foreign food' - as she deems it - was to be made available at such short notice.

All my clerical, pastoral subtlety of approach - having due and utter regard for the person as one does - was needed to move Cook from obstinate resistance to a state of sad acquiescence.

"There's always something," being my clue in her words that she was prepared to budge so far as not actually to bar the door to Miss Shanklin's arrival, nor to serve raw carrot and chips as a suitable supper.

That happy moment was, though, the next instant dashed from our discourse as Cook came on with "Well, I suppose nut-cutlets would do?"

"Nut-cutlets would be simply splendid," I at once lied.

"What though I did wonder" - more lies - "is that given that Patrick [Chef at the 'Dragon Inn' and keen rival to Cook] has taken to laying on the most ostentatious of vegetarian food these past months, ever since The Disappearance [See previous], you might fancy chancing your arm at something more adventurous."

Now Cook - like all good cooks - is extremely competitive, though unlike all other cooks I have come across - and for which great mercy - our current Cook is strictly TT, so there was little to no chance of her dropping into the Dragon to check Patrick's actual veggie menu, which from memory extends to no more than a cauliflower cheese or a green salad with an extra crouton.

Thus challenged Cook, thankfully, rose at once to the bait and promised something extremely exotic featuring - I recall - some fancy work with an aubergine, a courgette or two and some lemon zest.

She even left the room smiling!

Time now possibly to drop in on Isaac for one of his special shaves.